Don?t awaken love before the appropriate time! (Song of Solomon 2:7-3:5)
We have started looking at the Song of Songs, and I know quite a few of us were surprised to see what was written in chapter one. Perhaps we have been surprised at how unashamedly positive the Bible was about our sexual selves, and the relationship of sex within marriage. And perhaps also quite a few people have been surprised about how sexually confident the woman was in herself, her body, her sexuality and her relationship with her man.
We now look at another snapshot in the man woman-relationship. These snapshots aren?t chronological. In fact this one is, I think, set a little earlier than the last.
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It?s a poem. It?s a beautiful poem, a love poem. It?s a powerful poem. It?s a poem where every woman who reads it will step into the shoes of the woman to whom it refers,
and every man will step into the man?s shoes.
My prayer for us as we read it is,
?Father God,
We pray that you would speak to us today. We pray that you would help us, as we read this passage that is so full of sexuality that lies just below the surface, and yet remains mysteriously cloaked, to understand it and apply it to our lives. Help us to know what this book is doing in the Bible and how it fits into your word to us as a whole. Help us to open our minds and wills and affections to you. Teach us, correct us, rebuke us, and train us in righteousness Lord. Make us wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
And we ask this in his powerful name.
Amen.?
Let me read to you an Op Ed piece from the Fairfax website by Michelle Griffen:
?Teens should read more porn. The key word here is ?read?. When every adolescent can tap into adults-only video over the Internet, but their only formal sex education emphasizes disease and danger, dirty books are the best chance they have to free their fantasy lives from the shackles of banal commercialized sexuality. We should fill school libraries, family bookshelves and e-readers with all manner of explicit literature: not just copies of The Joy of Sex, but steamy airport novels, raunchy teen literature and straight-up smut?.?
http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/why-teens-should-read-raunchy-novels-and-straightup-smut-20120131-1qr97.html#ixzz1m4hmvx00
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We can look again at the warning issued in Song of Songs Chapter 2 verse7:
?Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and the wild does of the field: do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.?And if you look down to Chapter 3:5 ? this is the last verse of this passage as well.
5 Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and the wild does of the field: do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.That advice is at both ends of what is being said, and so I take it, we must read what is being said in the middle ? in the light of what is being said at the outside!
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The woman is really warning her young women friends ? don?t play the game unless you are serious ? don?t stir love ? don?t awaken love ? unless you are serious.
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I just want to talk about this ? because so much of our society is about stirring love so early. Why would be move towards stirring love early ? before the appropriate time?
We will come back to the song in a moment ? but let?s just get a little framework!
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Back in Genesis Chapter 2 verse 18, the statement from God is:
?It is not good for a man to be alone.? I will make a helper suitable for him.?We are made by God not to be individuals, but to be in community ? in relationship ? in a family. People who work all day in their homes, talking to no one often end up not being able to stand it for any length of time. People who are put in solitary confinement go mad.
Aloneness is not good. Marriage is a good thing, it is written in the creation framework.
It is a great gift from God, and to not be married is actually to miss the gift of marriage. It is. You would have the gift of singleness, not the gift of marriage and you would still be missing out on the gift of marriage. Lots of single people (never been married, widowed, deserted or divorced) go through great difficulties over this. It is particularly difficult for those who have previously been sexually stirred and in a one man/one woman relationship, and now been deserted, divorced, or widowed. It is particularly difficult for these people who have been used to companionship, and now (against their will) have had that ripped away.
As a result there is often a temptation to run desperately into any totally unsatisfactory or unsuitable relationship, In fact it?s a known phenomenon ? that those whose permanent relationships have just broken down ? are likely to go a bit unstable and do uncharacteristic things.
The Apostle Paul speaks of all this in 1 Corinthians 7:8,
? I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am.? But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with desire.?I think these verses (verse 8 and verse 9) are directed to the widows and the widowers, to the previously sexually awakened, whose partners have now died. Paul had been a good Pharisee. It is unlikely that he hadn?t previously been married, but here he clearly puts himself in this group. He seems able to manage the self-control and remain unmarried, but he says to those who have previously been sexually awakened, but now don?t have the companionship and are struggling with that, ?marry!?
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It is different advice from that which he gives to the non-sexually awakened ? to the virgins:
(Verses 27 ? 35) ?About virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I do give an opinion as one who by the Lord?s mercy is trustworthy.? Therefore I consider this to be good because of the present distress: It is fine for a man to remain as he is.? Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. However, if you do get married, you have not sinned, and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But such people will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. And I say this, brothers: The time is limited, so from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none, those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, and those who use the world as though they did not make full use of it. For this world in its current form is passing away. I want you to be without concerns. An unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord?how he may please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the things of the world?how he may please his wife? and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or a virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the things of the world?how she may please her husband. Now I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but because of what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction.?Paul has a really, really, really high view of singleness, as well as a high view of marriage.
He sees advantages and disadvantages in both positions. The advantages of marriage include relational, personal, and intimate, sexual companionship. The disadvantages of marriage include distraction from the Lord?s affairs.? On the other hand the advantages of singleness would include time to be concerned for the Lord?s affairs. The disadvantages of singleness are often sadness, loneliness and a sense of discontent.
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But note that Paul does not hold out marriage as an ultimate goal for the Christian life ? and I think that is important ? because some people in the church do! They have made a good thing into an idol. I am going to say some very positive things about marriage and relationship, but I am not going to idolize it.
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The Dream
When I look at Song of Songs chapter 2, sentence 8, I think this section is taken from a dream. I think that because the woman is lying down in Chapter 2:10, 2:13 and she?s in her bed at night in Chapter 3:1. So I think this is all happening in her dream, or in her imagination or fantasy ? rather than in reality.
Back in Chapter 2 verses 8-9, she is awake, but if you like, her love has not been awakened.
Now, in Chapter 3 she?s awake. She?s alert. She is in eager anticipation ? because her man his coming.
?8? ?Listen! My love is approaching. Look! Here he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills.?He?s not walking or running ? he is bounding and leaping.
9 ?My love is like a gazelle or a young stag.?There?s an image of hurrying of rushing to be with her.
?Look, he is standing behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice.?He?s not Peeping Tom. I?m thinking he?s more like Romeo ? downstairs calling up.
And she hears the call from her man!
10 ?My love calls to me: Arise, my darling. Come away, my beautiful one.?Her life till now has been secure, although maybe drab, suffocating and domestic.
And he is calling to her. He is from the country. He is from freedom. He calls her to abandon her undemanding security? ? to throw her lot in with him, someone who is of a relatively unknown quantity. He calls her to a life on a different footing, to a life of mutual exploration, to a life or trembling uncertainty. But he is calling her to a life of excitement!
11 ?For now the winter is past; the rain has ended and gone away. The blossoms appear in the countryside. The time of singing has come, and the turtledove?s cooing is heard in our land. The fig tree ripens its figs;the blossoming vines give off their fragrance. Arise, my darling. Come away, my beautiful one.?He is calling her to an emotional, physical and physiological unity. He is calling her to leave father and mother ? to cleave to him ? to be united with him. It?s springtime ? the time for the garden. It?s time for the outside. He begs her to join him in the wild outdoors ? the thrilling liberty of the garden!
Don?t awaken love until the right time!! And he says the time for awakening love is now!
She teases and warns him. Perhaps she comes. I think she must, but we are not told exactly what happens. We have a scene change. They are not in the garden where it is safe. They are not in the place in Song of Songs where it is safe to be naked without shame ? for union ? for making love in security.
Instead it is the place of danger.
Look at Chapter 3 verse 14.
??14? ?My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the crevices of the cliff,?I am thinking that it is windy, inhospitable, and not warm. It is rocky ? not luscious! It?s barren. It?s threatening.
I don?t think this is really happening, I think the poet is painting a picture.
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She has come with him ? and now she?s hiding. Perhaps she?s teasing him.
Perhaps she?s testing him ? making him work in the relationship!
He calls out, ?Let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.
Lets just stop on that verse for a moment. He wants to see her! There?s confusion over the exact meaning of that word ? face. Is it her face that he wants to see? Is it her form that he wants to see ? as some other translations have? It is her that he wants to see ? the totality of her.
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There?s an ambiguity. He delights in her appearance. He wants to see her ? he wants to see her beautiful form. He wants to see her breasts. He wants to see her thighs! He wants to see her!
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I put the question at the beginning of our study of Song of Songs ? what would we miss if this book wasn?t in the Bible?
Here is a picture of a man, looking, longing and searching for his woman, and delighting in her form, her appearance and the way she looks.
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There you go guys! It?s in the Bible ? enjoy the form of your woman!
And women ? don?t look down on your man for enjoying the sight of your body ? that?s the good way that God made him!
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Incidentally, it is not that he enjoys every woman?s form. It is his own woman?s face and form! It?s his woman?s voice that he wants to listen to! But I think it is actually more than that. I am wondering if he is saying, ?I want to see the totality of you!? when he says, ?I want to see your form?.
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He is saying, ?I want to know you. I want to look inside you ? to know your heart! I want to know your emotions. I want to know your fears. I want to know your hopes. I want to know YOU! Let me see you!?
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My wife and I have found this very difficult. We have been married 18 years.
It has been a project that we have embarked on, and we are still only a fraction of the way through.
In Chapter 2:15-17 there appears to be a warning, and the next line is kind of weird and out of the blue. It is hard to make sense of what it means in its context.
??Catch the foxes for us?the little foxes that ruin the vineyards?for our vineyards are in bloom.?What does this mean? How does it fit?
Well, little foxes are somehow causing problems ? it seems they are romping wantonly through the vineyards destroying the blossom. Perhaps the vineyard is meant to be the woman. Perhaps the vineyard is the relationship, but the presence of foxes implies a threat to the relationship. Perhaps this is a warning to watch out for the little things that end up ruining our relationships.
Some people have given huge seminars on how to catch the foxes in marriage ? and they cut and paste their marriage improvement seminar notes into their talk on Song of Songs 2:15.
In fact, I heard one guy say that this is an invitation for a pastor to give a long talk on all the things that can ruin a marriage. But it just seems that, if you try in any sense to read this line in context, that that is a complete stretch of the meaning. It?s pretty hard though to work out what is going on!
I think the presence of foxes does imply a threat to the relationship. The challenge is to catch them and get rid of them and throw them out of the relationship. An attempt by us to identify the foxes as anything in particular is stretching the text beyond what is defensible.
One commentator said the woman she might even be teasing her man at this point. He has just been saying, ?I can?t find you. I want to see you. I want to know you. I want to hear you.?
And she calls back, teasingly, ?I am not that hard to find. The little foxes have found me. There are other boys chasing ? and some of them are running around!?
That commentator suggests that, in this playful banter, she?s warning him not to take her for granted. In any case ? she makes it absolutely clear that she is there for her man!
16 ?My love is mine and I am his;?It is a lovely statement of their mutual affection for each other ? their ownership of each other.
16? My love is mine and I am his;?This is a voluntary relationship of concern and love.
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There?s a line in 1 Corinthians 7:3 in which Paul spells out the responsibilities of marriage.
?A husband should fulfill his marital responsibility to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. 4 A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another sexually?except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.?It?s a realistic and excellent picture of marriage, but it sounds a bit contractual.
It sounds so much, much nicer when we read the same thing here in Song of Songs 2:16-17.
It is the same thing ? only she is panting with sexual excitement over him, as in her dream or fantasy, she reaffirms the depth of their mutual belonging.
He belongs to me and I belong to him.
Look at it verse16:
16 ?My love is mine and I am his;?In her dream he enjoys her body, and she enjoys that he enjoys making love with her at nighttime:
?He feeds among the lilies. 17 Before the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn to me, my love, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the divided mountains.?Run all over me. I am yours!
In Chapter 3 verses 1-4 there is a big shock in her dream. He?s gone.
?In my bed at night I sought the one I love; I sought him, but did not find him.?We are reminded that love does not run smoothly.
In my work I have come to know the insides of different marriages to different degrees, but whether I know a marriage well or not, I know that it?s not been total smooth sailing. All love has pain. All love has pain of separation. There?s irrationality somewhere in there.
Here is a warning to those who want to awaken love before it?s time ? that marriage is not all like Chapter 2.? In fact, a fair bit of marriage is more like Chapter 3.
We don?t know if he?s run away. We don?t know if he?s stormed off. We don?t know if he?s gone to work. We don?t know if he?s busy with something unavoidable.
She goes to seek him. I am confident this is a dream and not reality. In those days and nights, the city square late at night was not a place for a single girl ? but we are reading of her irrationality ? as she searches desperately for the one she loves.
? ?I will arise now and go about the city, through the streets and the plazas. I will seek the one I love. I sought him, but did not find him. 3 The guards who go about the city found me. I asked them, ?Have you seen the one I love??
You see her irrationality? As if they are supposed to know him!
But there is a sense for her that she needs him in order to be whole. She appears in the song, as he does, as an individual ? capable, independent, self- reliant. And yet at the same time they have become bone of one?s bone ? flesh of one?s flesh.
Then she finds him, and holds him.
4? ?I had just passed them when I found the one I love. I held on to him and would not let him go until I brought him to my mother?s house? to the chamber of the one who conceived me.?She holds him and takes him to mum?s bedroom. She?s no passive wallflower.
She is not standing back waiting for the advances of her man. She grabs him and hauls him off to the bedroom.
This is a woman ? confident in herself ? and in her sexual relationship with her husband.
Now, I don?t know if this jumped out at you ? but mum?s bedroom to me ? didn?t sound like immediately the most romantic of places. We could well ask, ?I don?t get it! Why does she want to take him ? her lover ? to her mum?s bed??
It?s clear her intention is to make love ? but why mum?s bedroom? I want to ask, ?What?s the problem??
The reason I think we feel uneasy is that we don?t want to think about the idea of parents-in-law knowing we are having sex with their daughters. Also, we, as parents, don?t like the idea of considering a son-in-law having sex with our daughter. This book challenges us, corrects us, rebukes us, teaches us, and trains us.
Carson says that many of us who are married and who reflect on the language of Song of Songs are slightly embarrassed at its sensual abandon. But that may say more about who we are than about what God wants us to be. Like everything else that God made good, marriage and sex and intimacy can be trivialized and sensationalized and brutalized.
But God made marriage and sex good. Believers are bound, so far as their transformed natures can take them this side of the new heavens and the new earth, to display God?s goodness in every arena to which he calls them.
We who are married ought, intentionally, to develop the attitude displayed in this book to own marriage relationships and sexual lives within marriage.
I think for some of us this is a correction, but if you have the high view of marriage, and the high view of sex within marriage, then as a parent, one would delight that God has given a husband for your daughter. You would delight for them to think, ?I am his and he is mine?; to enjoy each other as is described in this chapter. As a parent, one would delight that God has given a wife for your son, and for them to think, ?I am hers and she is mine?, to enjoy each other as is described in this chapter.
But there?s an implicit warning ? don?t start love until you are sure that you could bring him home to mum!
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I was thinking about all the things that are written in books about relationships, and I am married to a woman who loves reading soft psych on relationships.
I would like to say, if you like reading soft psych on relationships, that Song of Songs is a better book, because all the other books on the subjects of marriage and relationships are just trivia ? sideshows ? compared to this ultimate book ? this Song of Songs.
And so the section finishes. We have read of her dreaming of hopes of intimacy, and him leaping towards her. We have heard him calling her to trust.
We have read of her hiding ? but teasing him ? wanting to be found. There were bumpy times. They were lost and found again.
But then there is that warning?.
5 ?Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and the wild does of the field: do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.?Don?t start till you are serious! I was talking to my daughter. Lots of her peers in year 10 have non-Christian boyfriends. She has attempted to challenge one or two of them, and they have said:
?It?s ok ? we?re just going out ? I am not going to marry him.?
Solomon says, ?God says don?t do that. Don?t play games. Don?t stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time!??
One of the guys said, ?Why does he only warn the women??
I don?t know! But young men, if there?s a warning to the girls not to stir up love, then you don?t want to stir them up.
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You may have noticed we have virtually got to the end of this section of the Bible, and I have attempted to be faithful to the passage ? and we haven?t mentioned Jesus. To leave it at that would to be profoundly unfaithful to the passage. Everywhere in this passage the spirit of Christ is calling out Jesus ? and I have been avoiding mentioning him for the sake of the logic being clear.
There is a line in 1 Peter about the prophets as they wrote, trying to find out the time and the circumstances that the Spirit of Christ was pointing them to, as they wrote the Old Testament.
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Firstly we read in Genesis 2 that it is not good for someone to be alone. But, no earthly spouse can ever fully meet that need for relationship ? that sense of wanting relationship ? that desire to know and to be known. This woman in Song of Songs Chapters 2 and 3 has that emptiness that so many of us feel ? and a solution provided in a partner. In the end the solution provided here could only ever be partial.
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Let me give you an example of another woman who is looking to be complete through her sexual union with a man. Jesus meets her by the well in Samaria and he says to her, among other things: -
??16 ?Go call your husband,? He told her, ?and come back here.? ?17 ?I don?t have a husband,? she answered. ????You have correctly said, ?I don?t have a husband,?? Jesus said. 18 ?For you?ve had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.?The implication is to go and call her husband, and compare him to Jesus!
What you are looking for in sexuality, you will only find in Jesus.
Cryder writes that the life that Christ offers is not merely eternal and everlasting ? it is categorically and quantitatively better. It is the best kind of life, so much so that everything else is death in comparison.
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Christ has come that we might have this life and have it to the full ? abundantly!
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If we take it this way, the spectacular, ideal, married-sexual life ? spoken of in Song of Songs ? takes on a typological dimension ? pointing us onto something far deeper and richer and grander.
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There are all sorts of allusions in this passage to that. I read Charles Spurgeon?s four sermons on this passage ? that he gave in 1872, 1874, 1896. Spurgeon ? has no doubt as he speaks of
?MY BELOVED IS MINE, AND I AM HIS, HE FEEDETH AMONG THE LILIES.?
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He takes the deeper meaning ? a sinner turns his face towards Jesus ? and steps into the very presence of God.
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In those days they sang the hymn:
?For he is mine and I am his
The God whom I adore
My father, saviour, comforter.
Now and for evermore
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These days we sing,
?In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
My Comforter, my All in All.
Here in the love of Christ I stand?.
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And then there is the woman who searches desperately for her man, independent and able, yet longing to be back with him ? and to have a sense of wholeness.
More than one commentator has noticed the parallel with Mary desperately searching, the morning after the Sabbath after Jesus had died, for the body of Jesus. She was asking, like the woman in Song of Songs, ?Have you seen the one I love??
Then, when she finds the risen Jesus -
??15 ?Woman,? Jesus said to her, ?why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?? ???Supposing He was the gardener, she replied, ?Sir, if you?ve removed Him, tell me where you?ve put Him, and I will take Him away.? ?16 Jesus said, ?Mary.? ???Turning around, she said to Him in Hebrew, ?Rabbouni!??Which means ?Teacher.? ???17 ?Don?t cling to me,? Jesus told her, ?for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them that I am ascending to my Father and your Father?to my God and your God.? ?18 Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, ?I have seen the Lord!? And she told them what He had said to her.??
There?s going to be a point when we will be perfectly united to Jesus ? a point where we will be face to face. Not just knowing in part ? but knowing fully and fully known.
I have a Christian friend with same sex attraction. I think he doesn?t expect to have this partial fulfillment on Earth ? this sense of being complete ? because he doesn?t at this stage expect to end up married to woman. He is looking forward to it in heaven- to the sense of being that close to Jesus:
?My beloved is mine and I am his?.He is looking forward to holding him, knowing him and being fully known by him.
You see how this passage is all about the man-woman relationship here?. and yet at the same time pointing upward above, to the deeper relationship with Christ.
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